3 years.

It’s been 3 years since my brother died. I still can’t talk about him without crying. I still can’t think about him without crying. I still can’t write about him without crying.

I can’t remember the last thing I said to him. I hope it was I love you, but it could have been I’ll call you later, which I probably didn’t. He would have been 35 this year.

I think him dying gave me a different appreciation for living. You will never hear me complaining of growing old. Every single birthday is a treasure that should never go unrealized. I will never wish my for my babies to stay little. My biggest fear in the entire world is something happening to my children. So saying I hope they stay little just makes me think of something happening to them.

Josh dying changed everything. I have always been carefree. But now in a different way. I want to experience everything life has to offer. I will not stress over money, not ever. It comes and goes and will not change anyone as a person. I am closer to God, still not as close as I need to be. I choose to be happy, which isn’t always easy.

Love those close to you fiercely. Forgive quickly, but don’t keep negative people in your life. Believe in the good and live, just live. It’s a privilege.